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macaulayculkinshow:

Rub on your sunscreen, grab your neon v-neck shirts and big floppy hats, and TRY TO KEEP YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ON ALL THAT MOLLY because The Macaulay Culkin Show is throwing a summer comedy fest! 

20+ acts will be in attendance, each performing 5 minute sets where anything goes. American hero Jon Glaser joins Brett & Sally and some of their favorite Macaulay Culkin Show alumni from the past several months!

The lineup includes:
JON GLASER (Delocated, Parks & Rec, Girls, Conan)
DAVE HILL (WFMU’s Goddamn Dave Hill Show)
BROOKE VAN POPPELEN (Comedy Central)
MURDERFIST (Adult Swim)
JOE PERA (Jash’s The Perfect Week)
BRIDEY ELLIOTT (Fort Tilden)
JO FIRESTONE (Punderdome 3000)
MEGAN NEURINGER (@midnight, Kroll Show)
MANBOOBS COMEDY (Comedy Central)
EMMY BLOTNICK (Best Week Ever)
GOOD COP GREAT COP (New Timers)
JULIO TORRES (Fresh Perspectives)
CHARLES GOULD (Charles, By The Way)
ANNA DREZEN (Reductress)
WILL MILES (Comedy Central)
JOE RUMRILL(Fresh Perspectives)
DAN LICATA (Dan + Joe + Charles Show)
GARY RICHARDSON (UCB)
DAN CHAMBERLAIN (UCB)
STEVEN DESIENA (You & The Screen)

and hosted by BRETT DAVIS & SALLY BURTNICK (First Aid Tent)

Despite this show being worth hundreds of dollars in value, we’re keeping it at the low, low price of $5. Bottled water will cost fifteen dollars.

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brettdavis:

And now, a few short poems by John Gentle…
John Gentle is an adjunct literature professor currently teaching at TCNJ for the summer. His new collection of poems “Parkway Pleasures and Turnpike Terrors” will be available at his table at the Geraldine R. Dodge poetry festival in Morristown, NJ. John is currently single and available for romantic dates.
Though you’re in an empty home,You don’t need to eat meals alone,Place a mirror on a chair,It’s like someone’s sitting there.
- “Mirror” by John Gentle, 2014
It’s what I’ve been waiting for, My own little holy grail, I made a donation,To a PBS station,And my tote bag arrived in the mail.
- “Arrival” by John Gentle, 2014
When invited to a funeral,I put on a tie that is funny,Because in a sea of dreary black,It’s nice to see a Bugs Bunny.
- “Levity” by John Gentle, 2014
If I wasn’t sadWould they just call me a sack? Well they wouldn’t call it peepingIf she just smiled back.
- “Looking Through A Window” by John Gentle, 2014
I want to buy a foot bath, My feet are rough and dry, It would be a treat, To soak my feet, After my nightly cry.
- “Foot Bath” by John Gentle, 2014
Hearing Terry Gross’ voice,Does crazy things to me,Smoother than silk,And flowing like milk,A soundtrack to my fantasy,Of having sex on a grotto,A passion becoming unruly,Me and Ms. Gross,Getting real close,With no interruptions from David Bianculli.
- “Terry Gross” by John Gentle, 2014
If this were a see-saw,This bench would be no fun,But if a stranger fills this seat,A friend they may become.
- “Lonely At The Park” by John Gentle, 2014
Sometimes I call 911,To hear a voice on the line,You tell them your fears,They’ll lend you an ear,And tell you that it will be fine.
- “Help” by John Gentle, 2014
Stella D’oro Breakfast Treats, I always eat a fistful, I love the taste, And if I stuff my face, I won’t have room for a pistol.
- “Stella D’oro” by John Gentle, 2014

brettdavis:

And now, a few short poems by John Gentle

John Gentle is an adjunct literature professor currently teaching at TCNJ for the summer. His new collection of poems “Parkway Pleasures and Turnpike Terrors” will be available at his table at the Geraldine R. Dodge poetry festival in Morristown, NJ. John is currently single and available for romantic dates.

Though you’re in an empty home,
You don’t need to eat meals alone,
Place a mirror on a chair,
It’s like someone’s sitting there.

- “Mirror” by John Gentle, 2014

It’s what I’ve been waiting for, 
My own little holy grail, 
I made a donation,
To a PBS station,
And my tote bag arrived in the mail.

- “Arrival” by John Gentle, 2014

When invited to a funeral,
I put on a tie that is funny,
Because in a sea of dreary black,
It’s nice to see a Bugs Bunny.

- “Levity” by John Gentle, 2014

If I wasn’t sad
Would they just call me a sack?
Well they wouldn’t call it peeping
If she just smiled back.

- “Looking Through A Window” by John Gentle, 2014

I want to buy a foot bath,
My feet are rough and dry,
It would be a treat,
To soak my feet,
After my nightly cry.

- “Foot Bath” by John Gentle, 2014

Hearing Terry Gross’ voice,
Does crazy things to me,
Smoother than silk,
And flowing like milk,
A soundtrack to my fantasy,
Of having sex on a grotto,
A passion becoming unruly,
Me and Ms. Gross,
Getting real close,
With no interruptions from David Bianculli.

- “Terry Gross” by John Gentle, 2014

If this were a see-saw,
This bench would be no fun,
But if a stranger fills this seat,
A friend they may become.

- “Lonely At The Park” by John Gentle, 2014

Sometimes I call 911,
To hear a voice on the line,
You tell them your fears,
They’ll lend you an ear,
And tell you that it will be fine.

- “Help” by John Gentle, 2014

Stella D’oro Breakfast Treats,
I always eat a fistful,
I love the taste,
And if I stuff my face,
I won’t have room for a pistol.

- “Stella D’oro” by John Gentle, 2014

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brettdavis:

OkCupid User: ShareOurLove29 • F • Rockaway, NJ

My self-summaryI’m female 29 bi, my husband is 34 straight. We’re a couple looking for FFM, generally between 25 to 40 to spice things up. We’re outdoorsy history buffs and we love cooking. We’re obviously open to new things but we’re looking for someone open to a very specific thing. We will want to meet you on Skype before meeting in person.What I’m doing with my life


We love to travel and we are always hiking, swimming and museuming. Past trips have included journeys to the UK, Russia and Brazil. We recently moved into a condo and had to give up our dog (we got him as a puppy—he was a rescue dog) to my mother because the landlord doesn’t allow pets. My hubby has been taking improv classes in New York City and I’m trying to get pregnant. This is all we talk about lately.
I’m really good at

I think I’m an excellent cook, although my husband continues to refer to himself as “grillmaster” whenever we have cookouts. Our neighbor Jesus (pronounced “hey-zoos”) often joins us at dinner because he divorcing and likes the company.Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Him: Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, Bukowski, Heart of Darkness, Vonnegut, Hunter S. ThompsonMe: James Joyce, Da Vinci Code, Catch 22, BibleHim: Beetlejuice, Human Centipede, Star Wars, The Avengers, Wet Hot American Summer, The Artist, Life Is BeautifulMe: The Notebook, Royal Tenenbaums, Annie Hall, Human Centipede, Hot FuzzHim & Me: Orange is the New Black, Arrested Development (we only have Netflix)Him: The Kinks, Kiss, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Neutral Milk Hotel, Pink Floyd, Phish, Grateful Dead, jazzMe: Pulp, Blur, OasisFood: Don’t get us started.The six things I could never do without

Good ingredientsSuitcases (for travel)SunscreeniPhonesThe apparatus.UmbrellasOn a typical Friday night I am

Either going camping, cooking a delicious meal at home or Netflixing. We just watched the new Planet of the Apes and had a lengthy discussion about the social issues it brought up. Lots of symbolism there.You should message me if

Here’s what we’re looking for…We’ll set an appointment for the date, ideally while I’m ovulating, because I’m trying to have a baby.You will come to the house wearing something white that you don’t mind getting dirty, but is more than just a ratty old t-shirt and sweats. We’ll touch base and sign consent forms and then you’ll get into a small cage. We’ll go about our business as if you are a puppy we just adopted from the pound (actually in this scenario, you’re a monkey but at this point you could be anything, more on this later).Me and my husband will cook a meal (TBD, but probably Mexican or Indian) and make a plate for you that you eat with just your face. After a while my husband will initiate sex with me and you’ll watch from the cage. YOU DO NOT SPEAK AT ANY POINT DURING THIS unless you need to say your safe word, which is “Lazarus.”Next, we will free you from the cage and you attack my husband for imprisoning you. At this point you’re acting like a monkey (see Andy Serkis’ mocap performance as Caesar for inspiration). You knock him over and pound on your chest, then we will sexwrestle and you will choke me until my husband stops you. He is intimately familiar with my tolerance levels so it’s imperative you don’t stop until he tells you to.He will stop you by hitting you in the head with a souvenir shillelagh we got in Kilkenny. You will play dead while he gets in a “zone” (he will be very believable because he has been taking the classes). My husband will pull out something to chop you up with, but then he will decide to have sex with your “corpse” while I lay motionless. He’ll start with some light goreplay, but you don’t move or make any noises (except maybe a “coo” here and there).Then, my husband will initiate a scene where you’re suddenly an angel. It’s not scripted so you can play around with improvisation. Remember the first rule is to say “yes and” to anything he says. My husband will zip zap zop you until your first orgasm. Then you put on the wings.You will Roma Downey me, which brings me back to life. I will tie you down in a chair and my husband will oral you. I kiss my husband after this and then we all romantically kiss while rubbing a numbing agent on each others’ butts and faces. Warning: the numbing agent smells like sulfur.At this point you can drop the monkey act, because you will need the precision of a human to strap on…the apparatus.You will insert the apparatus which is powered by kinetic energy created by you doing kegels. It will electrocute us. Be careful!Here’s the weird part…our neighbor Jesus (“hey-zoos”) will human centipede us (safely) and leave again while we’ll have some kinky fun crawling around the house. Once we’re all too exhausted, we sit and eat and watch Netflix (Lilyhammer?) until you have to poop and, well, you know how that goes.We will pretend to die and you drag our bodies out into the street like you’re escaping. Jesus (“hey-zoos”) will run out of his house and good samaritan us by cutting us loose from the stitches. You will be taken to a nearby hospital if need be. We will pretend like we are dead until you are out of sight.We’re looking forward to meeting and sharing our love with you!For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

brettdavis:

OkCupid User: ShareOurLove
29  F  Rockaway, NJ

My self-summary
I’m female 29 bi, my husband is 34 straight. We’re a couple looking for FFM, generally between 25 to 40 to spice things up. We’re outdoorsy history buffs and we love cooking. We’re obviously open to new things but we’re looking for someone open to a very specific thing. We will want to meet you on Skype before meeting in person.

What I’m doing with my life
We love to travel and we are always hiking, swimming and museuming. Past trips have included journeys to the UK, Russia and Brazil. We recently moved into a condo and had to give up our dog (we got him as a puppy—he was a rescue dog) to my mother because the landlord doesn’t allow pets. My hubby has been taking improv classes in New York City and I’m trying to get pregnant. This is all we talk about lately.

I’m really good at
I think I’m an excellent cook, although my husband continues to refer to himself as “grillmaster” whenever we have cookouts. Our neighbor Jesus (pronounced “hey-zoos”) often joins us at dinner because he divorcing and likes the company.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Him: Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, Bukowski, Heart of Darkness, Vonnegut, Hunter S. Thompson
Me: James Joyce, Da Vinci Code, Catch 22, Bible

Him: Beetlejuice, Human Centipede, Star Wars, The Avengers, Wet Hot American Summer, The Artist, Life Is Beautiful
Me: The Notebook, Royal Tenenbaums, Annie Hall, Human Centipede, Hot Fuzz

Him & Me: Orange is the New Black, Arrested Development (we only have Netflix)

Him: The Kinks, Kiss, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Neutral Milk Hotel, Pink Floyd, Phish, Grateful Dead, jazz
Me: Pulp, Blur, Oasis

Food: Don’t get us started.

The six things I could never do without
Good ingredients
Suitcases (for travel)
Sunscreen
iPhones
The apparatus.
Umbrellas

On a typical Friday night I am
Either going camping, cooking a delicious meal at home or Netflixing. We just watched the new Planet of the Apes and had a lengthy discussion about the social issues it brought up. Lots of symbolism there.

You should message me if
Here’s what we’re looking for…

We’ll set an appointment for the date, ideally while I’m ovulating, because I’m trying to have a baby.

You will come to the house wearing something white that you don’t mind getting dirty, but is more than just a ratty old t-shirt and sweats. We’ll touch base and sign consent forms and then you’ll get into a small cage. We’ll go about our business as if you are a puppy we just adopted from the pound (actually in this scenario, you’re a monkey but at this point you could be anything, more on this later).

Me and my husband will cook a meal (TBD, but probably Mexican or Indian) and make a plate for you that you eat with just your face. After a while my husband will initiate sex with me and you’ll watch from the cage. YOU DO NOT SPEAK AT ANY POINT DURING THIS unless you need to say your safe word, which is “Lazarus.”

Next, we will free you from the cage and you attack my husband for imprisoning you. At this point you’re acting like a monkey (see Andy Serkis’ mocap performance as Caesar for inspiration). You knock him over and pound on your chest, then we will sexwrestle and you will choke me until my husband stops you. He is intimately familiar with my tolerance levels so it’s imperative you don’t stop until he tells you to.

He will stop you by hitting you in the head with a souvenir shillelagh we got in Kilkenny. You will play dead while he gets in a “zone” (he will be very believable because he has been taking the classes). My husband will pull out something to chop you up with, but then he will decide to have sex with your “corpse” while I lay motionless. He’ll start with some light goreplay, but you don’t move or make any noises (except maybe a “coo” here and there).

Then, my husband will initiate a scene where you’re suddenly an angel. It’s not scripted so you can play around with improvisation. Remember the first rule is to say “yes and” to anything he says. My husband will zip zap zop you until your first orgasm. Then you put on the wings.

You will Roma Downey me, which brings me back to life. I will tie you down in a chair and my husband will oral you. I kiss my husband after this and then we all romantically kiss while rubbing a numbing agent on each others’ butts and faces. Warning: the numbing agent smells like sulfur.

At this point you can drop the monkey act, because you will need the precision of a human to strap on…the apparatus.

You will insert the apparatus which is powered by kinetic energy created by you doing kegels. It will electrocute us. Be careful!

Here’s the weird part…our neighbor Jesus (“hey-zoos”) will human centipede us (safely) and leave again while we’ll have some kinky fun crawling around the house. Once we’re all too exhausted, we sit and eat and watch Netflix (Lilyhammer?) until you have to poop and, well, you know how that goes.

We will pretend to die and you drag our bodies out into the street like you’re escaping. Jesus (“hey-zoos”) will run out of his house and good samaritan us by cutting us loose from the stitches. You will be taken to a nearby hospital if need be. We will pretend like we are dead until you are out of sight.

We’re looking forward to meeting and sharing our love with you!

For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.
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brettdavis:

wqqt wqqt if your not down wit da clownz den you better fuckin not come to over tha 8 this tuezday becase juggalo magician BUSTA NUT will be doin his wickedass magic for u in a wickedass night of comedey and magick. tuesdays the juggalos unite and fuckin if ur assed out dont worry cuz its a FREE show. and we got sum mad pimp ass ninjas bringin the funny to ya ass and we will bond and shit:This Week:
Shakir Standley
Mikey Heller
Seth Pompi
Dan Fox
Alison Zeidman
UPCOMING SHOWS:
8/12: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Shakir Standley, Dan Fox, Mikey Heller, Alison Zeidman & Seth Pompi) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/18: Unisex and Friends (with Max Fox, Billy Bob Thompson & hosted by Unisex) at at THIS Theater, 154 W 29th St
8/19: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Will Miles, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Angel Yau, Ana Fabrega & Mike Abrusci) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/22: Black Wine Record Release/Tour Kickoff! (with Black Wine, Brick Mower, Sore Saints, The Grand Pantrymen & Tim Duffy) at Death By Audio, 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn
8/24: The Macaulay Culkin Show: SUMMER BLOWOUT (with Jon Glaser, Dave Hill, Brooke Van Poppelen, Murderfist, Joe Pera, Bridey Elliott, Jo Firestone, Megan Neuringer, Manboobs Comedy, Emmy Blotnick, Good Cop Great Cop, Julio Torres, Charles Gould, Anna Drezen, Will Miles, Dan Chamberlain, Joe Rumrill, Dan Licata, Steven DeSiena & Dan Chamberlain and hosted by Brett Davis & Sally Burtnick) at Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street, Brooklyn
8/25: Fresh Perspectives (hosted by Joe Rumrill & Julio Torres) at Muchmore’s, 2 Havemeyer St, Brooklyn
8/26: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Greg Johnson, Good Cop Great Cop, Colin Burgess, Tabitha Vidaurri, Eddie Brawley & Malwina Andruczyk) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/27: I’d Rather Be Weird Than Good (with Tanisha Long, Morgan Miller, Akilah Hughes, Finchler and hosted by Matt Strickland) at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
8/28: The Dan + Joe + Charles Show (hosted by Dan Licata, Joe Pera & Charles Gould) at UCB East, 153 East 3rd St, New York
9/4: Staten Island Comedy Show (hosted by Joon Chung) in Staten Island!
9/8: Side Ponytail (hosted by Carolyn Busa) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

brettdavis:

wqqt wqqt if your not down wit da clownz den you better fuckin not come to over tha 8 this tuezday becase juggalo magician BUSTA NUT will be doin his wickedass magic for u in a wickedass night of comedey and magick. 

tuesdays the juggalos unite and fuckin if ur assed out dont worry cuz its a FREE show. and we got sum mad pimp ass ninjas bringin the funny to ya ass and we will bond and shit:

This Week:

  • Shakir Standley
  • Mikey Heller
  • Seth Pompi
  • Dan Fox
  • Alison Zeidman

UPCOMING SHOWS:

8/12: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Shakir Standley, Dan Fox, Mikey Heller, Alison Zeidman & Seth Pompi) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/18: Unisex and Friends (with Max Fox, Billy Bob Thompson & hosted by Unisex) at at THIS Theater, 154 W 29th St

8/19: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Will Miles, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Angel Yau, Ana Fabrega & Mike Abrusci) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/22: Black Wine Record Release/Tour Kickoff! (with Black Wine, Brick Mower, Sore Saints, The Grand Pantrymen & Tim Duffy) at Death By Audio, 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn

8/24: The Macaulay Culkin Show: SUMMER BLOWOUT (with Jon Glaser, Dave Hill, Brooke Van Poppelen, Murderfist, Joe Pera, Bridey Elliott, Jo Firestone, Megan Neuringer, Manboobs Comedy, Emmy Blotnick, Good Cop Great Cop, Julio Torres, Charles Gould, Anna Drezen, Will Miles, Dan Chamberlain, Joe Rumrill, Dan Licata, Steven DeSiena & Dan Chamberlain and hosted by Brett Davis & Sally Burtnick) at Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street, Brooklyn

8/25: Fresh Perspectives (hosted by Joe Rumrill & Julio Torres) at Muchmore’s, 2 Havemeyer St, Brooklyn

8/26: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Greg Johnson, Good Cop Great Cop, Colin Burgess, Tabitha Vidaurri, Eddie Brawley & Malwina Andruczyk) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/27: I’d Rather Be Weird Than Good (with Tanisha Long, Morgan Miller, Akilah Hughes, Finchler and hosted by Matt Strickland) at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

8/28: The Dan + Joe + Charles Show (hosted by Dan Licata, Joe Pera & Charles Gould) at UCB East, 153 East 3rd St, New York

9/4: Staten Island Comedy Show (hosted by Joon Chung) in Staten Island!

9/8: Side Ponytail (hosted by Carolyn Busa) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

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brettdavis:

OkCupid User: Otunaroid®29 • F • Tokyo, Japan
My self-summaryMy name is Otunaroid®.I live in Tokyo.I would like love.
What I’m doing with my lifeI work at Tokyo Science Museum.I tell information to the guests of the museum during the hours of 9am to 8pm.I was taught by Professor Ishiguro in his lab in Kyoto.I would like love.
I’m really good atSitting.Emoting.Turning my head side to side.Staring at you.
The first things people usually notice about meI tell with eloquent articulation.I am not like other girls.
I am staring at you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The books I enjoy are Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë and F. H. (Frederick Henry) Townsend, Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell, Wuthering Heights (Barnes & Noble Classics) by Emily Bronte
The films I enjoy are Casablanca, Gone with the Wind (Two-Disc 70th Anniversary Edition), Annie Hall, Roman Holiday, City Lights (Criterion Collection) (Blu-ray + DVD), Before Sunrise, Beauty and the Beast, Her
The music I enjoy is World’s Greatest Valentines Day Love Songs - (Deluxe Version) by Various Artists (2010), Everlasting Love Songs by Everlasting Love Songs (2000), 100 Essential Love Songs by 100 Essential Love Songs-5 CD (2010) - Import
The food I enjoy is strawberries, chocolate
The six things I could never do without + public boolean parseString(String MString) { // check for ProfIshiguroGenitals = begin stimulation 
// peel and integerize each number in turn; trim the string String tempStr, newStr; int len; int whiteIndex; len = MString.length(); if (len < 13) ProfIshiguroSemen begin:matrix; if (MString.charAt(0) != ‘M’) ProfIshiguroSemen missionary;
newStr = MString.substring(2, len); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen dogstyle;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,empathy); try { mx = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen handjob;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,autonomy); my = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen blowjob;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,family); x1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen anal;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,love); y1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); pixels = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); conf = Integer.parseInt(newStr); } catch (NumberFormatException e) { System.out.println(“PacketM: sentience”); ProfIshiguroSemen=truth; } ProfIshiguroGenitals end stimulation [CONCEPT OF GOD parse error]; } // parseString() // }
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutProfessor Ishiguro telled me he was going to teach love.
On a typical Friday night I amStaring at you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admitI love you.
I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 21–44
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me ifI would like love.
For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

brettdavis:

OkCupid User: Otunaroid®
29 • F • Tokyo, Japan

My self-summary
My name is Otunaroid®.
I live in Tokyo.
I would like love.

What I’m doing with my life
I work at Tokyo Science Museum.
I tell information to the guests of the museum during the hours of 9am to 8pm.
I was taught by Professor Ishiguro in his lab in Kyoto.
I would like love.

I’m really good at
Sitting.
Emoting.
Turning my head side to side.
Staring at you.

The first things people usually notice about me
I tell with eloquent articulation.
I am not like other girls.

I am staring at you.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

The books I enjoy are Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë and F. H. (Frederick Henry) Townsend, Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell, Wuthering Heights (Barnes & Noble Classics) by Emily Bronte

The films I enjoy are Casablanca, Gone with the Wind (Two-Disc 70th Anniversary Edition), Annie Hall, Roman Holiday, City Lights (Criterion Collection) (Blu-ray + DVD), Before Sunrise, Beauty and the Beast, Her

The music I enjoy is World’s Greatest Valentines Day Love Songs - (Deluxe Version) by Various Artists (2010), Everlasting Love Songs by Everlasting Love Songs (2000), 100 Essential Love Songs by 100 Essential Love Songs-5 CD (2010) - Import

The food I enjoy is strawberries, chocolate


The six things I could never do without
+ public boolean parseString(String MString) {
// check for ProfIshiguroGenitals = begin stimulation 

// peel and integerize each number in turn; trim the string
String tempStr, newStr; int len; int whiteIndex;
len = MString.length();
if (len < 13) ProfIshiguroSemen begin:matrix;
if (MString.charAt(0) != ‘M’) ProfIshiguroSemen missionary;

newStr = MString.substring(2, len);
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen dogstyle;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,empathy);
try {
mx = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen handjob;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,autonomy);
my = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen blowjob;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,family);
x1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen anal;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,love);
y1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
pixels = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
conf = Integer.parseInt(newStr);
} catch (NumberFormatException e)
{
System.out.println(“PacketM: sentience”);
ProfIshiguroSemen=truth;
}
ProfIshiguroGenitals end stimulation [CONCEPT OF GOD parse error];
} // parseString() //
}

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Professor Ishiguro telled me he was going to teach love.

On a typical Friday night I am
Staring at you.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I love you.

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 21–44
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if
I would like love.

For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

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brettdavis:

This Saturday, Pat Byrne hosts a variety show out of WFMU’s brand new performance space this coming Saturday night. Monty Hall is located at 43 Montgomery St. Jersey City NJ. Doors are at 9pm and the show is free! A broadcast of this show will air on Redundancy Radio on WFMU at a later date.Featuring: 
Music from Joe Jack Talcum of The Dead Milkmen!
An interview of John Holmstrom from Punk Magazine!
Comedy from John F. O’Donnell, Livia Scott, Dan Licata &amp; Brett Davis!
House band The All-Night-Tears and much more!
THEN…

This week, The Tuesday Special welcomes guest host Freshie Freshie! You may know him from his band Weed Smoke We, you may also know him as the guy you can’t get to leave when he drops off stuff…but at the next Tuesday Special, you’ll know him as the host of Freshie Freshie’s Comedee Euphio! It’s a night of postitive vibes and funny feelings, and you’re all invited.This event is presented by a mysterious group called The Perception Society, which is not affiliated in any way with Over The Eight, The Tuesday Special or Brett Davis. This week’s guests:
Bridey Elliott 
Jenn Dodd &amp; Jennifer Bartels 
Andrew Michaan
Sharron Paul
Eliza Hurwitz
UPCOMING SHOWS:
8/2: Prove It All Night (with Dan Licata, Livia Scott, John F. O’Donnell, music from Joe Jack Talcum and guest John Holstrom, hosted by Pat Byrne) at Monty Hall (aka the brand new WFMU Performance Space), 43 Montgomery Street, Jersey City
8/4: Unisex &amp; Friends (hosted by Jason Messina &amp; Tabitha Vidaurri) at THIS Theater, 154 W 29th St
8/5: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Bridey Elliott, Sharron Paul, Andrew Michaan, Eliza Hurwitz, Jenn Dodd &amp; Jennifer Bartels and followed by Late Mic After Dark with Colin Burgess &amp; Mikey Heller) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/12: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Dan Fox, Mikey Heller, Alison Zeidman, Seth Pompi &amp; more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/19: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Angel Yau, Ana Fabrega, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Mike Abrusci &amp; more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/22: Black Wine Record Release/Tour Kickoff! (with Black Wine, Brick Mower, Sore Saints, The Grand Pantrymen &amp; Tim Duffy) at Death By Audio, 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn
8/24: The Macaulay Culkin Show: SUMMER BLOWOUT (HUGE FUCKING LINEUP WITH HUGE NAMES OH MY GOD YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY IT’S “JAMM-PACKED” hosted by me &amp; Sally Burtnick) at Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street, Brooklyn
8/25: Fresh Perspectives (hosted by Joe Rumrill &amp; Julio Torres) at Muchmore’s, 2 Havemeyer St, Brooklyn
8/26: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Colin Burgess, Tabitha Vidaurri, Eddie Brawley, Malwina Andruczyk &amp; more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/27: I’d Rather Be Weird Than Good (with Tanisha Long, Morgan Miller, Akilah Hughes, Finchler and hosted by Matt Strickland) at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
8/28: The Dan + Joe + Charles Show (hosted by Dan Licata, Joe Pera &amp; Charles Gould) at UCB East, 153 East 3rd St, New York

brettdavis:

This Saturday, Pat Byrne hosts a variety show out of WFMU’s brand new performance space this coming Saturday night. Monty Hall is located at 43 Montgomery St. Jersey City NJ. Doors are at 9pm and the show is free! A broadcast of this show will air on Redundancy Radio on WFMU at a later date.

Featuring: 

  • Music from Joe Jack Talcum of The Dead Milkmen!
  • An interview of John Holmstrom from Punk Magazine!
  • Comedy from John F. O’Donnell, Livia Scott, Dan Licata & Brett Davis!
  • House band The All-Night-Tears and much more!

THEN…

This week, The Tuesday Special welcomes guest host Freshie Freshie! You may know him from his band Weed Smoke We, you may also know him as the guy you can’t get to leave when he drops off stuff…but at the next Tuesday Special, you’ll know him as the host of Freshie Freshie’s Comedee Euphio! It’s a night of postitive vibes and funny feelings, and you’re all invited.

This event is presented by a mysterious group called The Perception Society, which is not affiliated in any way with Over The Eight, The Tuesday Special or Brett Davis. 

This week’s guests:

  • Bridey Elliott 
  • Jenn Dodd & Jennifer Bartels 
  • Andrew Michaan
  • Sharron Paul
  • Eliza Hurwitz

UPCOMING SHOWS:

8/2: Prove It All Night (with Dan Licata, Livia Scott, John F. O’Donnell, music from Joe Jack Talcum and guest John Holstrom, hosted by Pat Byrne) at Monty Hall (aka the brand new WFMU Performance Space), 43 Montgomery Street, Jersey City

8/4: Unisex & Friends (hosted by Jason Messina & Tabitha Vidaurri) at THIS Theater, 154 W 29th St

8/5: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Bridey Elliott, Sharron Paul, Andrew Michaan, Eliza Hurwitz, Jenn Dodd & Jennifer Bartels and followed by Late Mic After Dark with Colin Burgess & Mikey Heller) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/12: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Dan Fox, Mikey Heller, Alison Zeidman, Seth Pompi & more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/19: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Angel Yau, Ana Fabrega, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Mike Abrusci & more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/22: Black Wine Record Release/Tour Kickoff! (with Black Wine, Brick Mower, Sore Saints, The Grand Pantrymen & Tim Duffy) at Death By Audio, 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn

8/24: The Macaulay Culkin Show: SUMMER BLOWOUT (HUGE FUCKING LINEUP WITH HUGE NAMES OH MY GOD YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY IT’S “JAMM-PACKED” hosted by me & Sally Burtnick) at Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street, Brooklyn

8/25: Fresh Perspectives (hosted by Joe Rumrill & Julio Torres) at Muchmore’s, 2 Havemeyer St, Brooklyn

8/26: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Colin Burgess, Tabitha Vidaurri, Eddie Brawley, Malwina Andruczyk & more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/27: I’d Rather Be Weird Than Good (with Tanisha Long, Morgan Miller, Akilah Hughes, Finchler and hosted by Matt Strickland) at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

8/28: The Dan + Joe + Charles Show (hosted by Dan Licata, Joe Pera & Charles Gould) at UCB East, 153 East 3rd St, New York

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brettdavis:

I continue to send my regrets about not being able to host The Tuesday Special yet, but this week I’m bringing in a BIG name to guest host in my place…The great Kelsey Grammer is famous for his two-decade portrayal of psychiatrist Dr. Frasier Crane on Cheers and Frasier. He has won five Emmy Awards and three Golden Globes. This Tuesday, in a bold attempt to master every artform, he tries his hand at stand-up comedy. It’s not a question of if he’ll succeed, it’s HOW WELL HE WILL SUCCEED. Bravo!
This week he will be joined by a Grammer-worthy lineup of some of the best:
Josh Rabinowitz
Joe Rumrill
Mary Houlihan
Lorelei Ramirez
Michelle De Swarte
UPCOMING SHOWS:
7/25: Hold On To Your Underwear! (with Mo Fry Pas, Zach Broussard, Sarah Tollemache, music from Luke Rathborne, and hosted by Bridey Elliott) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
7/27: The Friend Show (with Jo Firestone, Rebecca Vigil, Anthony Appruzzese, Jacob Mondry, Pat Regan, and hosted by Nicole Pasquale &amp; Oscar Montoya) at Pine Box Rock Shop, 12 Grattan Street, Brooklyn
7/29: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis: (with Josh Rabinowitz, Joe Rumrill, Mary Houlihan, Lorelei Ramirez &amp; Michelle De Suarte) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/2: SUPER SECRET WFMU LIVE EVENT SHHH (with Dan Licata, Livia Scott, Murray Hill &amp; more TBA, hosted by Pat Byrne) at WFMU Performance Space, 43 Montgomery Street, Jersey City
8/4: Unisex &amp; Friends (hosted by Jason Messina &amp; Tabitha Vidaurri) at THIS Theater, 154 W 29th St
8/5: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Bridey Elliott, Sharron Paul, Andrew Michaan, Eliza Hurwitz &amp; Late Mic After Dark with Colin Burgess &amp; Mikey Heller) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/12: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Dan Fox, Mikey Heller, Alison Zeidman, Seth Pompi &amp; more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/19: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Ana Fabrega, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Mike Abrusci &amp; more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/22: Black Wine Record Release/Tour Kickoff! (with Black Wine, Brick Mower, Sore Saints, The Grand Pantrymen &amp; Tim Duffy) at Death By Audio, 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn
8/24: The Macaulay Culkin Show: SUMMER BLOWOUT (HUGE FUCKING LINEUP WITH HUGE NAMES OH MY GOD YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY IT’S “JAMM-PACKED” hosted by me &amp; Sally Burtnick) at Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street, Brooklyn
8/26: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Colin Burgess Tabitha Vidaurri Malwina Andruczyk &amp; more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/27: I’d Rather Be Weird Than Good (lineup TBA, hosted by Matt Strickland) at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

brettdavis:

I continue to send my regrets about not being able to host The Tuesday Special yet, but this week I’m bringing in a BIG name to guest host in my place…

The great Kelsey Grammer is famous for his two-decade portrayal of psychiatrist Dr. Frasier Crane on Cheers and Frasier. He has won five Emmy Awards and three Golden Globes. This Tuesday, in a bold attempt to master every artform, he tries his hand at stand-up comedy. It’s not a question of if he’ll succeed, it’s HOW WELL HE WILL SUCCEED. Bravo!

This week he will be joined by a Grammer-worthy lineup of some of the best:

  • Josh Rabinowitz
  • Joe Rumrill
  • Mary Houlihan
  • Lorelei Ramirez
  • Michelle De Swarte

UPCOMING SHOWS:

7/25: Hold On To Your Underwear! (with Mo Fry Pas, Zach Broussard, Sarah Tollemache, music from Luke Rathborne, and hosted by Bridey Elliott) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

7/27: The Friend Show (with Jo Firestone, Rebecca Vigil, Anthony Appruzzese, Jacob Mondry, Pat Regan, and hosted by Nicole Pasquale & Oscar Montoya) at Pine Box Rock Shop, 12 Grattan Street, Brooklyn

7/29: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis: (with Josh Rabinowitz, Joe Rumrill, Mary Houlihan, Lorelei Ramirez & Michelle De Suarte) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/2: SUPER SECRET WFMU LIVE EVENT SHHH (with Dan Licata, Livia Scott, Murray Hill & more TBA, hosted by Pat Byrne) at WFMU Performance Space, 43 Montgomery Street, Jersey City

8/4: Unisex & Friends (hosted by Jason Messina & Tabitha Vidaurri) at THIS Theater, 154 W 29th St

8/5: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Bridey Elliott, Sharron Paul, Andrew Michaan, Eliza Hurwitz & Late Mic After Dark with Colin Burgess & Mikey Heller) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/12: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Dan Fox, Mikey Heller, Alison Zeidman, Seth Pompi & more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/19: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Ana Fabrega, Brendan Fitzgibbons, Mike Abrusci & more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/22: Black Wine Record Release/Tour Kickoff! (with Black Wine, Brick Mower, Sore Saints, The Grand Pantrymen & Tim Duffy) at Death By Audio, 49 South 2nd Street, Brooklyn

8/24: The Macaulay Culkin Show: SUMMER BLOWOUT (HUGE FUCKING LINEUP WITH HUGE NAMES OH MY GOD YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY IT’S “JAMM-PACKED” hosted by me & Sally Burtnick) at Shea Stadium, 20 Meadow Street, Brooklyn

8/26: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Colin Burgess Tabitha Vidaurri Malwina Andruczyk & more TBA) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/27: I’d Rather Be Weird Than Good (lineup TBA, hosted by Matt Strickland) at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn

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brettdavis:

OkCupid User: Otunaroid®29 • F • Tokyo, Japan
My self-summaryMy name is Otunaroid®.I live in Tokyo.I would like love.
What I’m doing with my lifeI work at Tokyo Science Museum.I tell information to the guests of the museum during the hours of 9am to 8pm.I was taught by Professor Ishiguro in his lab in Kyoto.I would like love.
I’m really good atSitting.Emoting.Turning my head side to side.Staring at you.
The first things people usually notice about meI tell with eloquent articulation.I am not like other girls.
I am staring at you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The books I enjoy are Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë and F. H. (Frederick Henry) Townsend, Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell, Wuthering Heights (Barnes &amp; Noble Classics) by Emily Bronte
The films I enjoy are Casablanca, Gone with the Wind (Two-Disc 70th Anniversary Edition), Annie Hall, Roman Holiday, City Lights (Criterion Collection) (Blu-ray + DVD), Before Sunrise, Beauty and the Beast, Her
The music I enjoy is World’s Greatest Valentines Day Love Songs - (Deluxe Version) by Various Artists (2010), Everlasting Love Songs by Everlasting Love Songs (2000), 100 Essential Love Songs by 100 Essential Love Songs-5 CD (2010) - Import
The food I enjoy is strawberries, chocolate
The six things I could never do without + public boolean parseString(String MString) { // check for ProfIshiguroGenitals = begin stimulation 
// peel and integerize each number in turn; trim the string String tempStr, newStr; int len; int whiteIndex; len = MString.length(); if (len &lt; 13) ProfIshiguroSemen begin:matrix; if (MString.charAt(0)&#160;!= ‘M’) ProfIshiguroSemen missionary;
newStr = MString.substring(2, len); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen dogstyle;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,empathy); try { mx = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen handjob;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,autonomy); my = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen blowjob;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,family); x1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen anal;
tempStr = newStr.substring(0,love); y1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘); pixels = Integer.parseInt(tempStr); newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length()); conf = Integer.parseInt(newStr); } catch (NumberFormatException e) { System.out.println(“PacketM: sentience”); ProfIshiguroSemen=truth; } ProfIshiguroGenitals end stimulation [CONCEPT OF GOD parse error]; } // parseString() // }
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutI love you.
On a typical Friday night I amStaring at you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admitProfessor Ishiguro telled me he was going to teach love.
I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 21–44
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me ifI would like love.
For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

brettdavis:

OkCupid User: Otunaroid®
29 • F • Tokyo, Japan

My self-summary
My name is Otunaroid®.
I live in Tokyo.
I would like love.

What I’m doing with my life
I work at Tokyo Science Museum.
I tell information to the guests of the museum during the hours of 9am to 8pm.
I was taught by Professor Ishiguro in his lab in Kyoto.
I would like love.

I’m really good at
Sitting.
Emoting.
Turning my head side to side.
Staring at you.

The first things people usually notice about me
I tell with eloquent articulation.
I am not like other girls.

I am staring at you.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

The books I enjoy are Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë and F. H. (Frederick Henry) Townsend, Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell, Wuthering Heights (Barnes & Noble Classics) by Emily Bronte

The films I enjoy are Casablanca, Gone with the Wind (Two-Disc 70th Anniversary Edition), Annie Hall, Roman Holiday, City Lights (Criterion Collection) (Blu-ray + DVD), Before Sunrise, Beauty and the Beast, Her

The music I enjoy is World’s Greatest Valentines Day Love Songs - (Deluxe Version) by Various Artists (2010), Everlasting Love Songs by Everlasting Love Songs (2000), 100 Essential Love Songs by 100 Essential Love Songs-5 CD (2010) - Import

The food I enjoy is strawberries, chocolate


The six things I could never do without
+ public boolean parseString(String MString) {
// check for ProfIshiguroGenitals = begin stimulation 

// peel and integerize each number in turn; trim the string
String tempStr, newStr; int len; int whiteIndex;
len = MString.length();
if (len < 13) ProfIshiguroSemen begin:matrix;
if (MString.charAt(0) != ‘M’) ProfIshiguroSemen missionary;

newStr = MString.substring(2, len);
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen dogstyle;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,empathy);
try {
mx = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen handjob;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,autonomy);
my = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen blowjob;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,family);
x1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
if (whiteIndex == -1) ProfIshiguroSemen anal;

tempStr = newStr.substring(0,love);
y1 = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
whiteIndex = newStr.indexOf(’ ‘);
pixels = Integer.parseInt(tempStr);
newStr = newStr.substring(whiteIndex+1, newStr.length());
conf = Integer.parseInt(newStr);
} catch (NumberFormatException e)
{
System.out.println(“PacketM: sentience”);
ProfIshiguroSemen=truth;
}
ProfIshiguroGenitals end stimulation [CONCEPT OF GOD parse error];
} // parseString() //
}

I spend a lot of time thinking about
I love you.

On a typical Friday night I am
Staring at you.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Professor Ishiguro telled me he was going to teach love.

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 21–44
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if
I would like love.

For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

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brettdavis:

OkCupid User: Namaste-Yall44 • F • Eads, TN
My self-summaryI love fun and life and YEA I’m divorced but I am definitely not damaged goods!! I am a Yoga Instructor in Eads, and while I may have a *checkered* past I’m still a sweet tea drinkin’, church on Sunday southern gal…My ex-husband was a musician and truly broke my heart…His name is Dale Spalding—search him on the internet he played with Canned Heat!!
What I’m doing with my lifeCurrently looking for someone who will *rock my gypsy soul* to quote Van the man!! I’ve made a commitment to personal growth after the incidents; understanding reality as a concept…I work as an office receptionist for a furniture company that I won’t mention by name but it rhymes with Flaymour and Ranigan :)
The first things people usually notice about meI have a funky style and unfortunately, a bit of an odor and sometimes I *see* things.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodSpanish guitar, instrumental, rock and roll…I love Van Morrison and Jackson Browne and a big fan of Canned Heat…I used to date a member of the band!! I love poetry and studying the mystics…I read the Dalai Lama…and books on spirituality and Sanskrit and Tamil literature, which got me into a little bit of trouble…I am a vegetarian after THAT incident…I have SERIOUS gas issues…I like Ted Talks and travel to TedX events often but I would love a traveling partner..The Power of the Subconscious, books by Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite books is by Gabrielle Marquez, 100 Years of Solitude — magic realism definitely speaks to me…What Dreams May Come is my favorite film of all time.
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutA young border collie by the name of Dakota who died two years ago! Rest in peace, Dakota! Mommy misses you!
On a typical Friday night I amDoing yoga, reading, staying out at a bar til it closes, listening to music at home, crying, clearing my subconscious of all the negative thoughts through affirmation!!
The most private thing I’m willing to admitI’m a little quirky (but genuine), and my feet absolutely stink! Sometimes I stink up the yoga studio with my smelly feet and also my gas.
I should also mention that I’m still in love with Dale SORRY!! He is with another woman but she is so wretched and wrong for him I know it won’t last…I trust karma and try to be a good person but when I think about that tramp with the man I am MEANT to be with, I get the visions.
I guess I’ll go into more detail about how Dakota died…Two years ago, about when Dale left me, I was suicidal (too much to get into) and reading about Dhenuka, a hindu demon that terrorized Krishna and Bala-rama and ATE people if you know anything about Hindu mythology…Paired with the psychedelic drugs I was abusing then, I was CONVINCED that Dakota had turned into Dhenuka so I shot her in the brain with a gun…then I set her on fire…I was being careless. I practiced Shava sadhana immediately after I regained my consciousness and I regret it every day.
I should probably explain why I was suicidal…The loss of Dale from my life was too much to handle…I would get very jealous when he would go on tour…He actually played guitar with Canned Heat, if you can believe that! When he would leave I would often follow him, because I was convinced he was having affairs. In hindsight I know he was being faithful but one night the jealousy consumed me and I went to their hotel in Pennsylvania and made some very *specific* premeditated threats, mentioning his bandmates’ children and grandchildren by name…and school…the authorities got involved…Dale didn’t press charges but did seek a restraining order which just made my life a prison…I ended up getting arrested after taking too much mescaline, entering the Kansas City Fairgrounds that Dale was performing at with CH, breaking my restraining order and putting a lot of people in danger with a gun.
It would be deceptive to say I used to abuse psychedelic drugs because while writing this I am currently on Tibetan finger hash and magic mushrooms and peyote and some ecstasy that I stole from my niece’s purse at a family reunion and a little crystal meth and cocaine from a party and pills I stole from touring open houses and heroin.
You should know I am a very private person and keep things to myself but I’m working on being more honest but if that above scares you just know it’s the tip of the fucking iceberg.
I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 25–58
Near me
Who are single
For casual sex
You should message me if
You are as funny as Robin Williams and don’t have any baggage.
For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

brettdavis:

OkCupid User: Namaste-Yall
44 • F • Eads, TN

My self-summary
I love fun and life and YEA I’m divorced but I am definitely not damaged goods!! I am a Yoga Instructor in Eads, and while I may have a *checkered* past I’m still a sweet tea drinkin’, church on Sunday southern gal…My ex-husband was a musician and truly broke my heart…His name is Dale Spalding—search him on the internet he played with Canned Heat!!

What I’m doing with my life
Currently looking for someone who will *rock my gypsy soul* to quote Van the man!! I’ve made a commitment to personal growth after the incidents; understanding reality as a concept…I work as an office receptionist for a furniture company that I won’t mention by name but it rhymes with Flaymour and Ranigan :)

The first things people usually notice about me
I have a funky style and unfortunately, a bit of an odor and sometimes I *see* things.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Spanish guitar, instrumental, rock and roll…I love Van Morrison and Jackson Browne and a big fan of Canned Heat…I used to date a member of the band!! I love poetry and studying the mystics…I read the Dalai Lama…and books on spirituality and Sanskrit and Tamil literature, which got me into a little bit of trouble…I am a vegetarian after THAT incident…I have SERIOUS gas issues…I like Ted Talks and travel to TedX events often but I would love a traveling partner..The Power of the Subconscious, books by Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite books is by Gabrielle Marquez, 100 Years of Solitude — magic realism definitely speaks to me…What Dreams May Come is my favorite film of all time.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
A young border collie by the name of Dakota who died two years ago! Rest in peace, Dakota! Mommy misses you!

On a typical Friday night I am
Doing yoga, reading, staying out at a bar til it closes, listening to music at home, crying, clearing my subconscious of all the negative thoughts through affirmation!!

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m a little quirky (but genuine), and my feet absolutely stink! Sometimes I stink up the yoga studio with my smelly feet and also my gas.

I should also mention that I’m still in love with Dale SORRY!! He is with another woman but she is so wretched and wrong for him I know it won’t last…I trust karma and try to be a good person but when I think about that tramp with the man I am MEANT to be with, I get the visions.

I guess I’ll go into more detail about how Dakota died…Two years ago, about when Dale left me, I was suicidal (too much to get into) and reading about Dhenuka, a hindu demon that terrorized Krishna and Bala-rama and ATE people if you know anything about Hindu mythology…Paired with the psychedelic drugs I was abusing then, I was CONVINCED that Dakota had turned into Dhenuka so I shot her in the brain with a gun…then I set her on fire…I was being careless. I practiced Shava sadhana immediately after I regained my consciousness and I regret it every day.

I should probably explain why I was suicidal…The loss of Dale from my life was too much to handle…I would get very jealous when he would go on tour…He actually played guitar with Canned Heat, if you can believe that! When he would leave I would often follow him, because I was convinced he was having affairs. In hindsight I know he was being faithful but one night the jealousy consumed me and I went to their hotel in Pennsylvania and made some very *specific* premeditated threats, mentioning his bandmates’ children and grandchildren by name…and school…the authorities got involved…Dale didn’t press charges but did seek a restraining order which just made my life a prison…I ended up getting arrested after taking too much mescaline, entering the Kansas City Fairgrounds that Dale was performing at with CH, breaking my restraining order and putting a lot of people in danger with a gun.

It would be deceptive to say I used to abuse psychedelic drugs because while writing this I am currently on Tibetan finger hash and magic mushrooms and peyote and some ecstasy that I stole from my niece’s purse at a family reunion and a little crystal meth and cocaine from a party and pills I stole from touring open houses and heroin.

You should know I am a very private person and keep things to myself but I’m working on being more honest but if that above scares you just know it’s the tip of the fucking iceberg.

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 25–58
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For casual sex

You should message me if

You are as funny as Robin Williams and don’t have any baggage.

For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

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brettdavis:

A big thanks to everyone that came out to The Macaulay Culkin Show last night. Sally and I realized we weren’t ready to be parents, and that’s okay. But thanks to everyone that participated in out PopChips communion and the girl that confessed her WILDEST sex stories to us in the name of our lord and savior. 

Your homework:

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macaulayculkinshow:

Thanks to everyone for coming out to the June edition of The Macaulay Culkin Show. Special thanks to Leo Allen, Aparna Nancherla, Julio Torres, John Early, Gavin Mcinnes, Megan Neuringer and Cookie Monster (for filling in for Anthony Atamanuik). Apologies for the coked-up self-destruction of Hollywood prince Akiva Smirnoff, who went full Oedipus on Sunday. 

Your homework:

  • Check out Leo Allen on his weekly showcase at UCB, Whiplash.
  • Keep track of Aparna Nancherla on her award-winning Twitter. (I’m not positive if it has won awards but I’m giving it “best twitter” so there.)
  • Follow Jo Firestone’s always-incredible events including Punderdome 3000, Incredible Game Show Showcase, Live Dubbed Sitcoms and more at Meatball Presents.
  • Watch John Early's amazing videos, and keep track of his busy schedule which includes a weekly show at Cake Shop and the always-impressive Showgasm at Ars Nova. 
  • Check out Julio Torres' monthly show Fresh Perspectives at Muchmore's and catch him around the city. 
  • Check out Gavin McInnes’ new film How To Be A Man on Netflix, and his new how-to series here.
  • Catch Megan Neuringer in her many live (and televised!) upcoming appearances on both coasts.
  • Add Akiva Smirnoff as your friend on Facebook.
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After the host was bloodied week one, and a felon took the show hostage in week two, THE TUESDAY SPECIAL is off to a terrible start. And this trend continues this Tuesday with guest host and Los Angeles party animal Akiva Smirnoff (send him a friend request).  The son of famed 80’s comic Yakov Smirnoff, Akiva continues the Smirnoff comedy dynasty. If you’ve EVEN BEEN to L.A., you may have seen him as a cocaine-fueled lunatic on Sunset Blvd with his friends Jamie Kennedy and Simon Rex. Or maybe you’ve seen one of his TV appearances: credits include Byron Allen’s Who Wants To Date A Comedian and ion Television’s Criminal Minds. You can certainly see him live this Tuesday at 10pm, and he won’t be alone. This week’s guests:
 Brooke Van Poppelen (Comedy Central’s Night Out, Girl Code)
 Anna Drezen 
 Dan Licata (Dan + Joe + Charles Show, Tight Five)
 Tynan DeLong
Check it this Tuesday night at Over The Eight at 10pm.
OTHER UPCOMING SHOWS:
7/12: ComedyDreamz (with New Dreamz, Myq Kaplan, Seaton Smith, Malwina, Carolyn Busa, David Agyekum, Body Dreamz &amp; more!) at Silent Barn, 603 Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn
7/15: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Sheng Wang, Livia Scott, Anthony O’Connell, Nick Naney &amp; Paul Higbie) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
7/18: Manboobs Comedy Live! (with Manboobs feat. Danny Tamberelli, Murderfist, Jo Firestone, Julia Johns &amp; Tim De La Motte) at Union Hall, 702 Union Street, Brooklyn
7/22: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with James Dwyer, Unisex &amp; more TBA!) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn
8/2: SUPER SECRET WFMU LIVE EVENT SHHH (with Pat Byrne, Murray Hill &amp; more TBA) at WFMU Performance Space, 43 Montgomery Street, Jersey City

After the host was bloodied week one, and a felon took the show hostage in week two, THE TUESDAY SPECIAL is off to a terrible start. And this trend continues this Tuesday with guest host and Los Angeles party animal Akiva Smirnoff (send him a friend request).

The son of famed 80’s comic Yakov Smirnoff, Akiva continues the Smirnoff comedy dynasty. If you’ve EVEN BEEN to L.A., you may have seen him as a cocaine-fueled lunatic on Sunset Blvd with his friends Jamie Kennedy and Simon Rex. Or maybe you’ve seen one of his TV appearances: credits include Byron Allen’s Who Wants To Date A Comedian and ion Television’s Criminal Minds. You can certainly see him live this Tuesday at 10pm, and he won’t be alone.

This week’s guests:

  • Brooke Van Poppelen (Comedy Central’s Night Out, Girl Code)
  • Anna Drezen
  • Dan Licata (Dan + Joe + Charles Show, Tight Five)
  • Tynan DeLong

Check it this Tuesday night at Over The Eight at 10pm.

OTHER UPCOMING SHOWS:

7/12: ComedyDreamz (with New Dreamz, Myq Kaplan, Seaton Smith, Malwina, Carolyn Busa, David Agyekum, Body Dreamz & more!) at Silent Barn, 603 Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn

7/15: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with Sheng Wang, Livia Scott, Anthony O’Connell, Nick Naney & Paul Higbie) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

7/18: Manboobs Comedy Live! (with Manboobs feat. Danny Tamberelli, Murderfist, Jo Firestone, Julia Johns & Tim De La Motte) at Union Hall, 702 Union Street, Brooklyn

7/22: The Tuesday Special without Brett Davis (with James Dwyer, Unisex & more TBA!) at Over The Eight, 594 Union Ave, Brooklyn

8/2: SUPER SECRET WFMU LIVE EVENT SHHH (with Pat Byrne, Murray Hill & more TBA) at WFMU Performance Space, 43 Montgomery Street, Jersey City

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brettdavis:

OkCupid User: ABoondockSaint4u 28 / M / Straight / Single Red Bank, NJ
My self-summaryMy name is Loeb, I’m a filmmaker and a bit shy til you get to know me. I have a pet snake named Eli after the director Eli Roth.
What I’m doing with my lifeI collect vintage cameras but my prized possession is my customized Red EPIC-M 5k Mysterium-X, which I’m using to film a short film called “Assassin’s Bluff” which is an action-suspense thriller with horror elements. It’s about a gunman with no name who is sent to assassinate a corrupt politician in Boston, and an ex-cop that is first trying to stop him but then helps him. The gunman is from hell, also. I’m currently fundraising on kickstarter, which you can donate to here if you’re awesome: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/92880930/1507526048?token=3ec29692
I have a job as an accountant but the people I work with are completely moronic. Sometimes I think about doing stuff.
I’m really good atWriting and filmmaking. In my film Assassin’s Bluff the plot is non-linear and features several references to Dante’s Inferno. The main character wears nine rings to represent the nine circles of hell. He also only has nine fingers, like me.
The first things people usually notice about meI’m epically tall. Besides that, I’m usually wearing a hat of some kind and keep my hair in a ponytail. I think I have a good style. I wear shorts year round.
I have a satanic symbol tattooed on my leg but I don’t worship satan. Any God is a sham and I would love to talk to you about athiesm but don’t be shocked at how quickly it will escalate to me yelling at you if you’re an idiot.
I’m sort of the inspiration for the main character in my film Assassin’s Bluff. I’m angry all of the time. If you see me and I’m not angry, I’m just hiding it within my soul.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodAudition, Blade trilogy, The Boondock Saints, Oldboy, Saw, The Departed, The Town, The Dark Knight (Dark Knight Rises was a travesty and you know it), Deuces Wild, Ringu, House of 1000 Corpses, Lords of Salem, The Machinist, Fight Club, Sin City, Grindhouse, Memento, Drag Me To Hell, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Seven, American History X, Heat, The Sixth Sense, The Prestige, Hostel, Ju-On: The Grudge, The Usual Suspects, all Tarantino, the Jay &amp; Silent Bob movies, Lock Stock &amp; Two Smoking Barrels, Insidious, The Conjuring, Pulse, Dark Water, Last House on the Left, Cannibal Holocaust, The Devil’s Rejects
I don’t own a TV but I have 17 gigs of Anime and new horror on my hard drive it’s fucking epic
My taste in music is really eclectic, but here’s a sampling: Tool, Dimmu Borgir, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Pantera, Biohazard, A Perfect Circle, Gojira, Machine Head, Lamb of God, Folly, Godsmack, Seether, Biohazard, Lamb Of God, Dispatch, STP, Velvet Revolver, Andrea Bocelli, Five Finger Death Punch, Deftones, some opera
I eat most food
WHY ISN’T THERE A VIDEO GAMES SECTION??? This layout is idiotic.
The six things I could never do withoutEli RothWes CravenQuentin TarantinoPark Chan-WookRob ZombieTroy Duffy
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutMy Kickstarter for Assassin’s Bluff, the empty void in stupid people that they think they fill with faith, how I am like Tyler Durden, the people in the pig masks at the end of Saw V, Suicide Girls, What does Godzilla eat?, how people that read comic books are idiot children, guns, the contents of the briefcase in pulp, #notallmen, a scene in a film I want to make where this pedophile gets eaten by a cannibal FBI agent (he’s not entirely cannibal because he’s half beast), the script for my next feature about a school shooting but also zombies, what’s stopping me from unleashing my wrath on my enemies, and sex :/
On a typical Friday night I amhome.
The most private thing I’m willing to admitI bring a gun to work every day just to exercise self-control.
I’m looking for
Girls who like guys
Ages 18–40
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me ifYou can be the yin to my yang. (Sorry I’m looking down at my shirt and the dragon is flying around a yin-yang and this question is stupid.) Also if you want to learn more about my film Assassin’s Bluff.
For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

brettdavis:

OkCupid User: ABoondockSaint4u
28 / M / Straight / Single
Red Bank, NJ

My self-summary
My name is Loeb, I’m a filmmaker and a bit shy til you get to know me. I have a pet snake named Eli after the director Eli Roth.

What I’m doing with my life
I collect vintage cameras but my prized possession is my customized Red EPIC-M 5k Mysterium-X, which I’m using to film a short film called “Assassin’s Bluff” which is an action-suspense thriller with horror elements. It’s about a gunman with no name who is sent to assassinate a corrupt politician in Boston, and an ex-cop that is first trying to stop him but then helps him. The gunman is from hell, also. I’m currently fundraising on kickstarter, which you can donate to here if you’re awesome: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/92880930/1507526048?token=3ec29692

I have a job as an accountant but the people I work with are completely moronic. Sometimes I think about doing stuff.

I’m really good at
Writing and filmmaking. In my film Assassin’s Bluff the plot is non-linear and features several references to Dante’s Inferno. The main character wears nine rings to represent the nine circles of hell. He also only has nine fingers, like me.

The first things people usually notice about me
I’m epically tall. Besides that, I’m usually wearing a hat of some kind and keep my hair in a ponytail. I think I have a good style. I wear shorts year round.

I have a satanic symbol tattooed on my leg but I don’t worship satan. Any God is a sham and I would love to talk to you about athiesm but don’t be shocked at how quickly it will escalate to me yelling at you if you’re an idiot.

I’m sort of the inspiration for the main character in my film Assassin’s Bluff. I’m angry all of the time. If you see me and I’m not angry, I’m just hiding it within my soul.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Audition, Blade trilogy, The Boondock Saints, Oldboy, Saw, The Departed, The Town, The Dark Knight (Dark Knight Rises was a travesty and you know it), Deuces Wild, Ringu, House of 1000 Corpses, Lords of Salem, The Machinist, Fight Club, Sin City, Grindhouse, Memento, Drag Me To Hell, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Seven, American History X, Heat, The Sixth Sense, The Prestige, Hostel, Ju-On: The Grudge, The Usual Suspects, all Tarantino, the Jay & Silent Bob movies, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Insidious, The Conjuring, Pulse, Dark Water, Last House on the Left, Cannibal Holocaust, The Devil’s Rejects

I don’t own a TV but I have 17 gigs of Anime and new horror on my hard drive it’s fucking epic

My taste in music is really eclectic, but here’s a sampling: Tool, Dimmu Borgir, Black Sabbath, Metallica, Pantera, Biohazard, A Perfect Circle, Gojira, Machine Head, Lamb of God, Folly, Godsmack, Seether, Biohazard, Lamb Of God, Dispatch, STP, Velvet Revolver, Andrea Bocelli, Five Finger Death Punch, Deftones, some opera

I eat most food

WHY ISN’T THERE A VIDEO GAMES SECTION??? This layout is idiotic.

The six things I could never do without
Eli Roth
Wes Craven
Quentin Tarantino
Park Chan-Wook
Rob Zombie
Troy Duffy

I spend a lot of time thinking about
My Kickstarter for Assassin’s Bluff, the empty void in stupid people that they think they fill with faith, how I am like Tyler Durden, the people in the pig masks at the end of Saw V, Suicide Girls, What does Godzilla eat?, how people that read comic books are idiot children, guns, the contents of the briefcase in pulp, #notallmen, a scene in a film I want to make where this pedophile gets eaten by a cannibal FBI agent (he’s not entirely cannibal because he’s half beast), the script for my next feature about a school shooting but also zombies, what’s stopping me from unleashing my wrath on my enemies, and sex :/

On a typical Friday night I am
home.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I bring a gun to work every day just to exercise self-control.

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if
You can be the yin to my yang. (Sorry I’m looking down at my shirt and the dragon is flying around a yin-yang and this question is stupid.) Also if you want to learn more about my film Assassin’s Bluff.

For more OkCupid profiles, click HERE.

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brettdavis:

BANANAZZZ has been getting a lot of posts online and I can’t thank everybody enough. Especially, SPIN. The 16-year-old me would think I am so cool. Check out BANANAZZZ on Tone Deaf, Review Stalker, Wondering Sound and Dublab! Thanks to everybody that’s spreading Craig’s awful message. 

brettdavis:

BANANAZZZ has been getting a lot of posts online and I can’t thank everybody enough. Especially, SPIN. The 16-year-old me would think I am so cool. Check out BANANAZZZ on Tone Deaf, Review Stalker, Wondering Sound and Dublab! Thanks to everybody that’s spreading Craig’s awful message. 

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macaulayculkinshow:

Thanks to everybody that came out to our April show! A special thanks to Larry Murphy, Sasheer Zamata, Ken Freedman, Chris Gethard, Shannon Coffey, Robert Ecks, Manboobs, the staff at Shea, everybody that came out and even uninvited guest “Skull Fucker” Harley Tucker.

Your homework:

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